I GOT A TYPICALLY BIZARRE KOREAN GIFT

Today was my last day as a teacher in Korea, and I got a gift from my co-teacher as I walked out the door. This is not surprising, as anyone with a Korean in their life will know. They are very much with the gift-giving. For any reason. Help mop up a coffee spill and you'll get a cake the next day to say thanks. It's adorable, and one of the things I'll miss about this crazy country.

These things were in my gift bag!

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. What you are looking at are: two cans of sesame oil, a bag of rock salt, a pair of scissors and a set of 2002 FIFA World Cup coasters. This may seem like an odd gift, but it makes perfect sense (aside from the old coasters, which were from someone else). Allow me to explain.

One of my favourite things to eat is Korean barbecue (samgyupsal). Usually this is done with strips of pork on a griddle in the middle of the table, which each person cooks as they go along, kind of like a fondu/BBQ mash-up. I prefer this meal using beef, which in Korea is often the prime cuts like fillet and sirloin. So cheap and tasty! Anyway, accompanying this meal is a little bowl of sesame oil/salt mixture, which is AMAZING!

The last time I went out for dinner with my co-teachers, we went to a samgyupsal place and I ate so much meat I almost turned into a steak. In the process, I had to re-order the oil/salt mixture. So my lovely co-teacher Hyo Jin, without whom I would not have survived my school, included it in my gift.

As for the scissors... during this meal, I mentioned to the group that I found the Korean habit of cutting meat and veggies with scissors to be ingenious. It really is such a smart, practical thing to do. So she bought me big kitchen scissors, with the instruction, "These are not for stationary. Only for the kitchen!" Adorable.

I also got a cheesecake, because they know how much I love it. Kamsahamnida!

I WROTE A LETTER TO MY FIRST LOVE

Dear Journalism

I miss you. I'm sorry I left you for Teaching, I've thought about you every day for the past two years. I miss your passion, your love of interesting discussions, the way you'd stay up with me past midnight watching football. You made me feel secure and comfortable, which I took for granted and caused me to stray.

I won't lie, Teaching was good to me for two years. She was unpredictable, sometimes lazy yet relaxing, and I often didn't know if I was coming or going with her. Did she love me, or not? Some days it was like talking to a brick wall or getting blood out of a stone. Silence, confusion... it was almost like we were speaking different languages. I never had that with you, we were always on the same page. She was good, but she wasn't you.

I'm coming back to Cape Town in a few days, and I am so grateful you're giving me a chance to make it up to you. I know the breach will take a while to heal, while we both get used to each other again, but I promise not to rush you. The betrayal was a big one, and I'm sorry I didn't make more of an effort to keep in touch while we were apart.

I never stopped loving you, I just needed a change. This time I promise to keep the spark alive, with some varied stories and maybe a freelance piece or two, but nothing will be more important than our relationship. I'll call you when I get back to Cape Town so we can meet and discuss our future. I've loved you since I was 14 and have never wanted anything else, please believe that.

Yours always,
Lindsay

****************************

Dear Teaching

I'm sorry to do this in a letter, but I don't know how else to tell you that our time together has come to an end. I'm leaving to go back to South Africa on Tuesday. Please don't follow me, there's nothing you can do to change my mind.

It's only fair to tell you that I'm returning to my first love, Journalism. I know it was always difficult for you to hear me talk about her, and I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings. I think you've always known that this would happen, and I think you will be better off without me. We didn't mesh as well as we could have, and I don't think I put enough effort into our relationship.

We had some great moments, especially in the beginning when it was new and exciting. The spontaneity, the way your eyes would light up when I walked in the room, the way we learned about each other slowly and carefully. You taught me about patience, last-minute adaptation, and your culture, which is endlessly interesting.

But I'm afraid our relationship became too repetitive, and you became too erratic. I know Journalism intimately, almost as if I'd studied her, but you and I never reached that level. Almost like a thrown-together pair, united for convenience and money. Also, I didn't like the food you gave me, almost as if you didn't care about what I liked.

Thank you for our time together, I'll never forget you. I have fond memories, and will tell Journalism stories about us for years to come. She's a forgiving lady, she won't mind hearing about you.

Fondly,
Lindsay

THINGS GOT COVERED IN SNOW

Let's be honest. Korea is, generally, not the prettiest place in winter. I think the word most people use to describe it is 'dull'. Everything is grey or brown, from the buildings to the roads to the fields. The only thing that sometimes saves the scenery is a dusting of powdery snow, which doesn't last for very long but does wonders for the soul if you're from a country that never really encounters the stuff.

Yesterday morning I made my way to school after a night of snowfall, and I managed to catch it before it melted. It was all gone by 4pm. The road to the bus stop was fraught with danger, a veritable ice rink upon which I nearly saw my bum without a mirror a few times. Things were covered in snow in Gyeongsan  for the first time this winter.

The view from our spare room, overlooking the rooftops of the elderly couple below, is lovely as long as you ignore the trash/wiring/kimchi pots in the yard. Amazing what a bit of zoom can do!

A lonely chair sits outside our apartment block, too ugly to be stolen. It's been there for months, and it's battered by the weather every day.

See what I said about not being pretty? This is a typical street, and I haven't edited it much in terms of colour, if you can believe it.

The ice rink. This isn't water... well, it is water, but it's ice. See how shiny? Super slippery! I must have looked ridiculous, marching along in my Merrell shoes, one high step at a time.

Anyone fancy a cold beer while sitting outside a convenience store? It's one of the more amusing customs here, and I'll miss walking past a Family Mart in the evenings and running into friends having a drink. Constructions workers can still be found here at 7am, drinking Soju after their night shifts.

Someone, not me, scribbled in the snow on someone's car. Ho Hyeon? A name?

A snowy scooter near the bus stop.

This poor woman is out in the cold every morning by the pedestrian crossing, selling her drinks and snacks.

The pathway up the school driveway, showing the kids who came before me. School continues as normal, despite it officially being vacation. Or as one of my boys said, "Teacher, it's fake vacation."

The school soccer field is always a depressing sight, as it's made of sand. Most schools have either a sand pitch, or an Astroturf field if they're rich. It's not surprising, given the lack of emphasis on school sports here, but it's so sad. Also, girls are never playing on it. They run up and down stairs for Phys Ed while the boys play football.

The tennis courts, covered in snow. Don't be fooled, they're not for the students. Only teachers are allowed to use them, and not just anyone either. Only the VP, and his cohorts from the middle school, apparently. Such a waste of space and resources. God forbid a kid should take an hour out of studying to hit a tennis ball!

A TODDLER KICKED MY BUTT AT SKIING

People who know anything about South Africa will know that we don't really get snow in winter. Sure, sometimes the Drakensberg will get some fluff, or the mountains near Ceres in the Cape will go a bit white, but for the most part it's not a place where you'd take up skiing. So you can only imagine the hilarity when a bunch of Saffas (and an assortment of other nationalities) attempted to stay upright on skis and snowboards in -5 degree weather.

Muju, freezing cold!

We decided on a day trip and went to Muju, about 3 hours from Daegu. It's apparently not the fanciest of resorts in Korea, but given that most of us had never touched a ski pole, it was perfectly adequate for our meagre needs. I decided to ski rather than be 'cool' and snowboard, mainly because I didn't want to risk breaking my wrist a month before going to Thailand, as a friend of ours did last year. I think I made the right decision, after watching my boarding friends' attempts to stay upright!

We left on a tour bus at 6am and arrived at Muju just before 9. It snowed along the way, which was delightful as it meant there would be real snow on the slopes and not just fake stuff. We were given our very sexy rented ski gear (mine was all blue so I looked like a Smurf) as we got off the bus, and were sent to change, get boots and skis, and meet the instructors. The package we booked (through Daegu Tour for 110k per person for everything) included a lesson for 2 hours, which was a god-send!

Snowboarders went one way and we went another. They got a pretty and relaxed girl who spoke decent English, we got a drill sergeant man who shouted at us, made us stand in two lines and did most things through the dramatic method of mime. I'm exaggerating slightly, but not by much. He was a young guy but very serious about his duties, and made us do the same things over and over again. He taught us how to fall (cross your arms, fall sideways and land on your bum) and shouted if we put our hands out. "No! Nonononono!"

Fay and Teacher discuss standing up after falling.

The most amusing part of the lesson was learning the 'frog position'. We're not quite sure if that's really what it's called, but Megan was doing some vague translating and caught the word frog, and we just added 'position' to it. So anyone who learns from this guy in future and he says 'frog position,' think of me! Anyway, this technique involves putting your skis in a V shape, with the close ends in the front. But your skis can't touch, the tips must be 10cm apart. If they're 9cm or 11cm apart, you'll get a stern "No! Nonononono! 10 centimetah!" from Teacher! So we went down a tiny hill over and over, practising the Frog Position, and anything other than "No!" was taken as a compliment. In the video you can hear him giving detailed instructions, and then saying "No!" after Tim's attempt.

Preparing to go down a little hill.

There were a couple of falls, but none from me, thank the lord. I was terrified of getting hurt, so I concentrated hard all day and stayed on my feet even when doing down the bigger, faster slope. Well, to be fair, there were 4-year-olds going down this beginner hill faster than we were, but when you're on it, it feels like lightning! It's so smooth and slippery, and my skis kept going straight/parallel so I'd go even faster. I couldn't stay in Frog Position! I just breathed as if I were going into labour and focused on not letting my skis cross, and made it down to the bottom without incident.

The only time my bum touched the snow was when I was at the top of the slope, putting my skis back on after the lift to the top. The left one wouldn't go on, so I kept sliding down the hill on the attached right ski and eventually fell on my ass. The Lovely Gen found this hilarious, and only after regaining her breath after laughing did she check if I was ok. Nice, babe! Nice! Shame, she took an almighty tumble a few minutes later though, the poor little thing. Thank god for Myprodol!


Most of us continued to play in the snow for the rest of the afternoon, while others cut their loses and went for some apres-ski coffees at the bottom of the big slopes. The snowboarders joined the skiers in the afternoon and I was very grateful I chose the skis. I don't know how much I'd enjoy not being able to move my feet independently of each other... And they spent more time on their bums than standing upright, and my back isn't in the greatest condition at the best of times. I did try the snowboard near the end of the day, mind you. I sat on it and went down the hill as though on a toboggan!

TLG and Smurf!

Rodney on his snowboard, waiting to go down the hill.

So much pretty in one picture should be illegal.

I BOWLED A TURKEY

This past weekend, The Lovely Gen and I joined some friends for a few frames of gay bowling. It's like regular bowling, except the ball doesn't go as straight. Ha! Sorry. We went bowling with some fellow gaymos and I had a great time! The others? Maybe not so much...

As mentioned before, I love me some bowling and will miss how cheap it is here when I go back to Cape Town. Also... I'm really competitive. Annoyingly so, I'll admit it. I go outside my body when I'm being obnoxious and tell myself to cut it out, but alas I cannot! I find going to bars without pool/darts/beer pong quite boring, and I take great pride in the fact that TLG and I are a pretty great beer pong team. Well, we were before our month-long no-drinking hiatus in November, but I'm sure our mojo will return during this month of December partying!

This competitive spirit carries over into bowling. I hate being bad at it and I get really annoyed when the ball goes into the gutter or hits less than 5 pins. I'll grab my thumb/wrist and make a face, claiming pain or that the ball 'slipped'. Well it did! Stupid lane oil! Everyone else, friends who are normal and don't treat bar sports as though they are life or death situations, smile and nod, scared to poke the bear. They're all, "Whoo hoo, I hit the pins and the ball didn't go in the gutter!" But I'm annoyed when this happens, it makes me sad. It's why I quit golf. My dad always told me, " Don't try and be Tiger Woods, just play the ball properly and stay calm." Yeah right. It didn't work when I was 10, it doesn't work now.

When I do get a strike I'm insufferable and smug. I bow, wave, high five everyone, and then shrug my shoulders as if to say, "Meh. No biggie. Happens all the time." Thank god my friends like me! Or maybe they just put up with me to spend time with TLG... So anyway, this weekend we were bowling with some new people from Busan, so I tried to behave a bit better so they wouldn't hate me and run away. It worked for a while, I was demure and humble after the first strike, but after that I was just too amazing to stay calm!

Seriously, I was on fire, it was like the pins and the ball were magnetically connected. In the final game, I got 154 points (I know that's not really a lot, but for most people I play with it is) which was a personal best and it included the elusive Turkey. A Turkey, according to Answers.com, is "bowling lingo for three strikes in a row. Probably, the most famous score for amateur and professional bowlers alike." Yes indeed! I got three in a row for the first time ever, and took a photo as evidence!

The fact that the next sentence is, "This is partly due to the fact it has an unusual name, and partly because even a beginner can get one," is immaterial. Whatever. Maybe I should invest in one of those fancy gloves that make your arm look robotic... Maybe I should join a league... Maybe I should get a shirt with my name on it...

I WENT TO A SOUTH AFRICAN RESTAURANT IN SEOUL

It's not often I'll travel the length of a country, and pay a lot of money, merely to go to a restaurant. But given the very specific nature of South African food, and the fact that a kilo of boerewors (SA sausage) costs nearly R1000 in Korea, I went to Seoul this past weekend to eat at a new Saffa restaurant called Braai Republic.

Look for this sign!

I had very high hopes. The place is owned, run and cheffed by South Africans, so I anticipated boerie rolls of the highest order. To say I was excited is an understatement, and never in my life have I been so thrilled to see Ceres fruit juice. We were like children, the six Saffas in my party. Oh my god, look at the biltong! Ah cute, a stuffed springbok! Hey, look at the Lion brand matches on the wire sculpture tree! OMG, AMARULA CHEESECAKE!! *takes photos of everything*

I had been hoping for a nice, cold Castle, but alas, no Saffa beer appeared on the menu. This was a good thing, given that November is no-drinking month for me, but I was still a bit bleak. Apparently the Hunter's Dry is stuck at Korean customs, so if you go soon you might be able to have some apple cider goodness! So ya, coke it was, while other people had some lekker litchi Ceres juice.

As for the food, if you're a vegetarian or someone who doesn't eat red meat, you're going to struggle. This was not all that shocking, given the name of the place, and there were a few veggies on the menu, like creamed spinach, sweet potato mash, garlic potatoes and a bean soup. But still, it was all about the meat! Lamb chops! Boerewors! Lamb potjie (stew)!

My pap and wors, with carrots and cream spinach

I ordered pap and wors, which came with spinach and coleslaw. Yoh, but that boerie was lekker! It was slightly dry, but not too bad, and had bags of flavour. The pap was krummel (crumbly) which I don't really like, I prefer it when it's sticky and hard. Erm, I mean... stywe pap! So ya, the problem with pap is that it takes ages to cook, so it's not like you can make a fresh batch for every order, so that probably explains why krummel pap is the easiest one to serve.

TLG's boerewors roll

The spinach was yummy, but the 'coleslaw' wasn't really all that. Given that we live in a country obsessed with cabbage in every way, shape and form, you'd think that coleslaw would have cabbage in it! But it was just carrot with some mayo on it. Maybe they'd run out? I dunno, but I missed the cabbage. I did like the tomato relish/gravy on the pap, but The Lovely Gen did not like it on her boerie roll. She said it needed more flavour. The roll was fresh and whole wheat, which was a plus.

Our other friends ate a variety of things, including lamb chops (which were all a bit on the rare side, more so than you'd usually find), spare ribs (smelled just like the ones at Spur! Tasted great and had lots of meat) and lamb potjie. An American mate had the potjie (pronounced poy-kie) and liked it, but said it needed more sauce, and he didn't like the pap because it was dry. But the lamb itself was great and fell off the bone it was so tender.

American Tim and his potjie

So all in all I'd say it was a successful trip. I think the novelty of it was enough to overlook some of the errors, which I'm sure will be ironed out with time. You can also buy biltong there for 10 000won per 100g (I think) and it's worth the trip if you're in the area and want a taste of home. It felt like being inside a Free State pub, actually. Nice and comfy, not too fancy, some animal heads on the wall and a flag over the fire. It's not cheap, but it's Seoul, and the ingredients aren't what you'd find at E-mart so I guess it's worth it.

Located near McDonald's in the foreigner hell that is Itaewon (I think of it as Burgers and Prostitutes), it is very easy to find. Ish... If you get to Micky D's (on your left), reverse and go down the first side street, down the winding hill, and look for the green awnings. Or, you know, look on their Facebook page.

Lamp chops, spinach and sweet potato mash

Die manne wat braai!

Eating some ribs

Jooooooos!

TLG SAID 'IT'S FINE' BUT IT WASN'T FINE

A cool, Autumnal Saturday morning, in the recent past.

The Lovely Gen: Can we pop into the market? I want to get some short boots. (Fake Ugg boots, ankle height)
Me: Sure... (not excited at all, hate shopping)

*Bus to Daiso, buy random crap, cross the road to the market*

TLG, looking at boots: What colour should I get?
Me: Um...
TLG: Do you like them?
Me: Um...
TLG: Ok fine, I won't get them. You hate them.
Me: No babe, get them! I don't have to wear them! The brown ones!
TLG: No, it's fine. I don't want them.

These aren't the boots she wanted!

*walks away, further into market*

Me: Ooh, look at all this garlic! (Whip out phone, take pics with camera)

Garlic breath!

TLG: Let's get tomatoes! (Buys a big bag for 2000 Won/R14)

*Continue to take photos of everything, mostly stuff I'll never buy/eat, ever. Like Kimchi and rice cakes. Bleh!*

Smile and say kimchiiiiiiiii!

More pickled/spicy things

Rice cakes. Very pretty, but too chewy/tasteless for me

TLG: Gross, this fish smell is making me naar (Afrikaans for nauseated)! Can we leave now?
Me: Ok, sure. (Continue taking photos, Koreans annoyed/amused)
TLG: Ok... let's go...

What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh!

Instant allergic reaction, just looking at this!

Octopi, non-moving ones

Meat-on-a-stick, kimbap, ddeokbokki

Pillows. The kids' section was further down.

Hand-made noodle man

Ajummas and flowers

Radishes. It was a huge bunch, the photo is deceptive

A colourful array of veggies

Yummy fish! Custard-filled heart attacks!

'Shrooms

Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Rice, in all colours

*Walk past shoe shop again*

Me: Babe! Here are your boots, let's get them!
TLG: *silence, walks towards bus stop*