Friday, November 4, 2011


I spent the past week conducting speaking tests with my High School students. It was mind-numbing and they mostly butchered the English language beyond recognition, but there were some funny moments. Some tried to be funny, so I laughed. The others were unintentionally hilarious so I had to hide behind my marking book as they spoke because I was laughing so hard. Here are some examples of what I've listened to this week, they're not all bad. Some are just sweet or poignant, or just plain interesting. I learned a lot about my kids, which is the silver lining!

Q: Where do you see your life in 10 years?

  • "I want to be a nice police woman to help people suffer from murder." Dexter, anyone?
  • “I want to work in a hairline as a fright attendant.”
  • “I will be a microbiologist and make a vaccine that cures everything. I will win the Nobel Prize for science and live in New York City, drive a Lamborghini and have a hot girlfriend.” – All with a big grin on his face, clearly taking the piss.
  • “I want to be a police detective because I have the sixth sense. I will try to be honest. Lindsay, I have to report you to the police!” Me: “Why?” Him: “You are too beautiful! Give me many points.”
  • “I am interested in playing with children. I will be doing love with my husband.”
  • “I will win lotto. Win money, and buy a car, apartment and a school. I want to be a school president.”
  • “I will be a CEO because it has a high salary. I will buy a Lamborghini, because it is sexy and I can hunt girls!”
  • “I want to be an accountant. Keeping a money record book is my favourite hobby. In 10 years I will organize a school reunion, and there I will tell the boy I like about my feelings. Right now I am too busy studying.” – Favourite student, SUPER smart.
  • “I want to be a public official and serve the citizens well. But mostly because public officials work less hours and have public holidays off. I will go scuba diving, horse riding a shooting in my free time.”
  • “In 10 years I want to be on the catwalks of the top 5 fashion capitals. I am a model now, and when I walk the runway I have a mysterious feeling. Everyone is watching me and I feel happy.” – I’d never noticed her before, but she’s tall and really beautiful, so maybe I will be able to say I know a supermodel in 10 years!
  • “In 10 years I will be the CEO of Pineapple, which will be my company name. I will be the most famous CEO and everyone will have my products. They will forget Steve Jobs.”

Q: If you could go to any country for a week, where would you go and why?

  • "I want to go to the prangs. I want to see the paree and visit the apple tub. The apple tub is a beautiful buildings, and its head is 300m." Translation: I want to go to France, I want to see Paris and visit the Eiffel Tower. The Eiffel Tower is a beautiful building, and it is 300m tall.
  • "I want to visit the USA to go to Nike stores and the big McDonalds, so I can have hamburgers." Right, because Korea lacks those things.
  • “The life of developed countries is not more important. People don’t usually care about developing nations. I want to see their real lives, and if they are treated unfairly then I will reveal that fact with my words.” – Talking about going to Ethiopia. She was the only student to mention doing charity work or choose an African country.
  • “I want to go to India! I want to see the Cannes Film Festival!” – He was so excited, shame. Hope he figures it out before he buys his ticket to Mumbai…
  • “I want to go to LA to see a Justin Bieber concert and get his sign (autograph)” – 18 year old bully boy
  • “I want to go to Italy. Pasta is my favourite food, maybe it tastes better there. Also, Italian men are taller and more handsome than Korean men. I want to watch Italian men.”
  • “I want to go to Brazil to see the Rio Carnival. There are 60 000 dancers doing the samba *does a shoulder shimmy, giggles*.” Me: “Do you dance the samba?” Him: “No, I just like to watch.” Me: “You like the girls in bikinis!” Him: “Of course! I am a man!”

Q: What is your favourite movie and why?

  • My best student, talking about her favourite movie: "It's a really cruel movie. I like that the main character kills, like, 10 people with a hammer. I like cruel things!"
  • “My favourite movie is Wanted because Angelina Jolie appear. The end. *huge grin*”
  • “My favourite movie is The Devil wears Prada. I don’t love it for the handsome men or the beautiful women, but for the fashion! It makes my eyes very happy.” – 18 year old boy, who does not have an easy time of it because he is so camp. I am very protective of him.

Q: If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

  • "Apples are very good for health and help you lose weight. Nowadays my bowels have stopped, so I need apples to help me with my constipations." Entirely serious. No embarrassment on her part.
  • "I like ramyeon. It is delicious. Ramyeon forever! The end." Ramyeon is Ramen/cup noodles/2-minute noodles
  • “I love bread. It is soft and delicious. I don’t like pizza bread but I love cream bread! *Shrieks loudly and shivers with excitement.*” Disturbing.
  • “I don’t think you should ask this question. It is not good advice. Eating only one thing is unbalanced and not good for health. But if I must choose then I will, rather than starve! *glares at me*”
  • “I choose space food. It is little volume nutrition energy supplement. It is small and light. End.”

Q: Describe your city.

  • “My shit is very small but it has many important functions.”


  1. But I don't like the girls in bikinis... am I not, therefore, a man?

    And as for the 18-y-o Bieberfan bully... I'm suspecting he wants Justin's "sign" of approval, followed by a hug, and some tongue.

    Fantastic summary Lindsay. Great pairing of what you're good at, and what you're doing now (not to imply you're not good at that!) Look back on this in years to come and know you made a difference.

    And you made me snort my coffee. Laughing - loudly.


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  3. you crack me up. i can just picture these students. bet you wish you had a video camera sometimes! PLEASE write more blogs like this. you're the female Jerry Seinfeld, in e-format, in Korea, who isn't famous. yet.